The Gratitude Challenge

I was nominated for the gratitude challenge trend this week—i.e. challenged to list things I’m grateful for. While I usually like to thank the Universe in private, other moms were throwing down. They listed stuff like “my beautiful children,” “my amazing husband,” or “my thigh gap.”

So it’s on, bitches. Here’s my list:

 1) Two “super push-up” bras for $8.99 on the clearance rack at Joe Fresh. I do not care about a 1-inch gap between the bra and the boob or the overly-ample padding, which resulted in my 6-year-old calling them my “booby pillows.” You can’t beat that price.

2) Weird phobias. My friend has feared fish and buttons for 20 years. My daughter was afraid of ferns and mushrooms until she was eight. These sorts of fears make me feel better about myself. And they also make me laugh and laugh. Every time.

3) My husband doing grocery shopping, even if, in a frenzy of frugality, he bought a month’s supply of discounted diet yogurt and waterlogged, No Name ham.

4) Losing 5 lbs this week, despite not running, drinking wine and eating tortilla chips at night. (Possibly this was due to husband’s grocery haul.)

5) Coffee pods delivered to your door. Whenever I feel down, bored, tired, unsure, insecure, muddled, afraid, resentful, or that disorienting, bottomless feeling that life is a pointless journey toward a black void of nothingness? I just pop in a pod and feel peppy again. I’ve gone through 42 espresso capsules this week. I’m typing 200 words per minute, getting heart palps and my magnesium levels are in the toilet but who cares? I’m just feeling so fucking grateful right now!