Birthday party

Forget the clown, the DJ, and the princess-for-hire. Today's birthday parties are all about home- made, DIY, and keepin' it real financially. Trouble is, today's kids are like their parents: they want it all, even if it means putting the family into a lifetime of credit card debt. Your challenge as a parent is to throw an unforgettable birthday bash on a shoestring budget. No problem, if you follow these steps:

• Start planning three months in advance. This will give you ample time to reserve and check out all party planning books from your local library. And if you are a stay-at-home-parent, it will give you a sense of purpose.
• Have your child choose a theme. This provides focus, and today's kids need that!
• Invitations can be very expensive, so make your own. Origami is a good start.
• Learn to make animal balloons. Not as difficult as it sounds. Really try. Learn to make your favorite Disney character. Even SpongeBob can be accomplished with a little determination.
• Make a giant balloon arch. I mean really, really big. No, bigger! Start this project a week in advance. And keep it a secret, of course.
• As for the cake: Never. Serve. Store-bought. You need a sturdy cake that holds up to shaping, but it must also have a tender crumb. You will need many, many layers of it. Trans fat-free, nut-free, dairy-free, gluten-free--vegan is preferable. You can make a tasty cake from amaranth flour and carob. Don't forget the eggless custard filling! Bake in a Spiderman/Dora/etc. mold and decorate. This is going to be your crowning achievement. Don't blow it!
• Finally, loot bags. Load up on bouncy balls, bubbles, novelty pencils, hot lips, lollipops, gummy worms, stickers and other necessities at your local dollar store. 'Nuf said.